Here I go again...

Pictures to come when I figure all this out but I need to start writing before I forget my thoughts! If you know me, you know I am verbose but stick with me. All the posts will not be this long but for your to really walk with me you need some history!

My first journey down this weight-loss road started soooo many years ago during my teens when I wasn't even heavy. It's sad now to look back at pictures of how thin I was knowing how "fat" I felt. I guess it is almost a standard to think you are fat as a teen. Band and flags were probably my saving grace in high-school to actually being what I felt and to help off-set that first job at Chick-fil-A. I accomplished the freshman 15 in college and steadily gained some tonage in pharmacy school. I was mortified at the size of my wedding gown which I will not share but that was about 60 pounds ago. By the end of my residency in 2001 I was so disgusted with myself. Big sister Michelle declared she was addressing her weight once and for all and joining weight watchers. Never one to be left-out, I found a meeting in Tuscaloosa and jumped on that band wagon. It would prove to be a very successful journey! I remember the first meeting when the leader told us all she knew we would leave and go directly to McDonalds so to please take off our WW name tags. I went to Chick-fil-A...and took off my nametag.

Weight watchers is an awesome program and I highly recommend it. Over the next 1.5 yrs I shed 88.5 lbs generally losing 0.5 lbs per week. When I had lost 55 lbs I entered a WW success contest and WON!! I had had to submit before and after pics and a few months after winning I got a call about using my story and pics for WW advertisements. Since Cayce was in my pics they needed a release from him....wouldn't you know he said no at first! My poster hung in WW centers all over the country and ran on the internet. Someone said I was in the magazine too but I never saw it. To think now that I was a WW poster child....and now they want their poster back (ha).

My story is so similar to so many others who struggle with weight. I achieved my goal weight in April 2003 and maintained the weight for 6 weeks to achieve status of a life-time WW member in May 2003. We went to the beach and stayed at my favorite place, the Henderson Park Inn Bed and Breakfast in Destin. I wore a bikini for the first time since I was a young teen...and haven't worn one since:) You guessed the next milestone....PREGNANT. Sweet McKenna was on the way and my very disciplined lifestyle of counting grapes, weighing foods, journaling every BLT (bite, lick, taste), and almost obsessive workouts went out the door. I succombed to the pregnancy cravings...particularly sweet tea, sausage balls, and cheese grits from the Tuscaloosa VA. Pregnancy was the perfect excuse to essentially make up for lost time. I gained 55 lbs but took McKenna to her first WW meeting when she was about 6 weeks old. I was ready to jump back "on program" but how about you don't have time to count grapes with a baby. Nursing was also an excellent excuse to eat...can't let that milk supply drop. That mentality helped me maintain that extra 55 lbs and in 2005 guess what...PREGNANT. Dr. Sharpe told me he wanted a flat-line pregnancy for weight...that meant I didn't need to gain anything. Well, I apparently laughed at that and gained the remainder of that 88.5 lbs I had lost. When I delivered Cayson I was back to where I had started in 2001.

Isn't that the same story so many tell? You lose weight then you gain it back + 10 lbs. I've got a new WW kit every year since 2001. How about WW does not look kindly on you selling them on ebay either. It seemed I was able to focus and conquer those hunger pains pre-children but after children there was no will-power to overcome the hunger. When I was hungry and stress would hit, I went straight to the pantry every time. I can always find a reason to buy an Edgar's cake. Have even been guilty of eating my cake by the slice in the car so I wouldn't have to share it with the kids. That is sad but the truth. Actually, I'm pretty sure that I know what an alcoholic in a bar must feel like because that is me in Edgars.

So...here we are in 2010. I'm turning 35 this year (boo hoo). I've gained 10 lbs since E moved in. I'm pretty sure I'm knocking on the door to diabetes and I'm at that place of utter disgust with myself again. Being overweight is not pretty physically or mentally. I am great at finding humor in my weight but the reality is that my hip touches the door in the Camry. Rides at Disney were not comfortable, when I flew to Orlando in May I made two poor guys really miserable, my clothes are tight, I sweat when I shop, my joints hurt to the point I'm taking NSAIDS everyday, and I could go on and on. I've got to do something but wow the fear of failure again is overwhelming.

Last January I had planned to attend a bariatric surgery seminar but someone at work had bypass and it was not a pretty site. I am not a fan of nausea and the description of "dumping syndrome" made my decision to abandon that idea 100%. Went back to WW, bought a new kit for 2009 and had a buddy to go with me, it was going to work this time, right? We rejoined the Y in April. I walked with some girls from church...once. I did aerobics with girls from church...once. I gained 10 lbs.

I learned of the lap-band and that was somewhat appealing but then I learned that you have to have adjustments and insurance does not pay for them. Wouldn't that be great...having a foreign device in me serving no purpose just waiting for a clot to adhere to it or for it to slip? No thanks.

So...now what. I learned of a procedure option around September called the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy and started doing some research into the procedure and practices that offer it. It is a happy medium procedure that falls between the lap-band and bypass. It is considered a restrictive procedure in that part of your stomach is removed reducing the volume of food you can eat. Nothing is bypassed or rearranged so absorption problems are not an issue nor the incidence of "dumping syndrome". There is no foreign body involved like the band so that was appealing too. The part of the stomach they remove is the part that stretches and secretes the hunger hormone. The surgery was actually used as a lower risk option for super obese where bypass was not an option. After weight loss from the sleeve procedure, they could move on to bypass more safely. Now the sleeve gastrectomy is an option offered as an alternative to bypass or banding. Now that was an appealing option.

I think that definately gives some history....the true humor and entertainment can start with the next post. Stay tuned b/c this is going to be a fun ride. My pre-op is Tuesday and surgery is Thursday of NEXT WEEK! I'm hoping this blog will serve many purposes. One will certainly be as therapy for me during this journey but may hopefully serve to encourage others too, whether thick or thin.